Can You Forgive?

Today's card is the Nine of Swords. Entitled "Cruelty", the card is attributed to Mars in Gemini.

This card has come up several times on this blog. I know I tend to hold in anger and resentment, so I know some of this is directed at me. I've gotten better in recent years in identifying it, releasing it or transmuting it, whatever the case may be.

I carried anger because I was picked on as a kid. I didn't fit in with the people around me, and a lot of times I didn't care. I was the loner, the kid who played by himself in the corner of the schoolyard. I was also bullied and teased by those around me.

Things weren't much better in high school. I was very intellectual, the bookworm and classical music lover at a time when drugs and rock n roll dominated the scene. I was very alienated from my classmates and my parents could not understand me.

In college I began to drink and experiment with drugs. I thought I had found a way to fit in and a means to stuff the disturbing feelings that were welling inside of me. Ultimately this became a totally self-defeating strategy that almost cost me my life.

I've been clean and sober over 20 years now. One of the biggest things we learn to give up in the program is resentment. I was told by those around me that I don't have the luxury of nursing a grudge-it leads right back to where I started.

So how did I deal with repressed rage and anger. To start with, I was taught to pray for those who had hurt me, that they would receive all the good things in life that I could ever want to have. Whether it was health, prosperity, happiness, I should ask my Higher Power to bestow it upon them.

Whether this let them off the hook or not is irrelevant. If I did this faithfully for two weeks I would usually find that I would release the resentment and let MYSELF off the hook.

What didn't get cleaned up with this tends to come up in my hypnotic work. Working with hypnosis has allowed me to access repressed material and transmute it into higher energy that I can apply towards my goals.

I also do the Violet Flame meditation that is designed to transmute negative emotions and energies into positives. It consists of rhythmic prayers called decrees that allow negative energies to dissipate and be transformed into positive loving energy.

You don't have to walk through life with a chip on your shoulder. If you have any questions about this, write to me and I'll explain more.