Showing posts from March, 2011

Three Things I Learned Before the Sun Came up Over the Ficus Hedge

1. The proper way to wear a rash guard is skin tight. 
A few years ago Ellie who was probably born under the Roosevelt administration, was new to the adult swim group.  She noticed several of the attendees wore long sleeved shirts in the water.  Her question was logical  and it most definitely had a logical answer. "Excuse me dear, where do I find those shirts everybody's wearing and what size do you think I'll need?" she said to Terri the instructor. Ellie waited in the water next to the twenty other people she had just met.  Terri bellowed, "Go to Ron Jon and tell the sales clerk that you need a rash guard and tell her it needs to fit like a condom.  She'll tell you what size you need."
2. New people to the class don't get special treatment. 
3. The more often you attend the morning water class, the more your personal flotation device will shrink and your rash guard will stretch out.

Three Things I Learned Before the Sun Came up Over the Ficus Hedge


1. In S.Fla. When the weatherman says there's a 40% chance of rain, he's low balling it-it's going to rain.
2. That rain will not come early in the morning.  The air needs to heat up inorder for it to rain. 
3. Men who wear tool belts are more popular than the average male.

Three things I learned in Adult Swim this morning

B & B is not bed and breakfast it's butts and boobs.- Terri  ;-)

Gay men use more Botox than any other demographic- Ellie

When exercising, if you can’t touch your feet don't worry, just grab your balls.-Terri to Don

Drum roll please- Hans to my daughter Tori, "You don't need to go to grad school.  We can teach you everything you'll ever need to know.- Spoken like a Senior Scholar.

Gin Soaked

A year ago Doris was in the beauty parlor where she overheard the conversation of a much older woman talking to another woman.  "The recipe?  Oh, you take golden raisins, put them in a jar, cover them with gin and screw the lid on. Put them in the refrigerator and let them absorb the gin for about a week."
Doris the eternal lady kept quiet and waited to hear the rest of the conversation. The senior continued, "Every day for the rest of your life, down a teaspoon full in the morning. Your arthritis will be a thing of the past."

Doris sat wide eyed and made a mental note to purchase golden raisins and gin on her way home.

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The other day in the pool my favorite wet people who are old enough to have arthritis brought up the subject of raisins, vodka, gin and rum. I don't remember what we were talking about that brought us to that topic. Maybe it was the convers…