Swim Mates

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A little over two weeks ago I joined a pool workout group that begins at 7 am and ends two hours later. I expected the typical group YMCA workout experience, with a few grunts and groans, no one overly chummy and no talking during class; but, the water class is completely the opposite. It's like being in a sitcom. It is hysterical.

Imagine the instructor a size 6 woman, dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty, flexible as a yoga instructor, tight as a teen and as loud and colorful as a Mexican garden. Nothing gets by her. She must have been one of those kids who drove her parents crazy. She knows all the tricks.

The swim mates range in age from 35 to 88, men and women. There are about 15 regulars. They never stop talking or as our instructor screams, "Are you knitting again? You were talking so much you did not hear the instructions and you are doing it all wrong!" For the new members she adds, "In my country, when the ladies get together and gossip, we call that knitting." New members are generally more polite and keep the conversation to a minimum. Then, they realize they are the only ones not talking.

The class is as challenging as you make it. In one exercise we were asked to travel the width of the pool and come back pushing and pulling water weights under water while jogging in pool shoes without any floatation device, without touching the bottom. The regulars were blowing by me. I was stuck in place with arms burning and my heart pounding out of my chest. "Hans" I cried, "How do you do this and move?" His adorable New Jersey 75 year old accent whispered, "There is something known as the accidental touch. Every so often, have a little accident." My head fell back in laughter, smiling I nodded and thought to myself, "They cheat!"

Coming toward me back from the other side was the red-headed Brit, Dorothy. I was still in one place and winded. Panting and sloshing water everywhere, I said wheezing, "Dorothy, how are you doing this so fast?" In her high brow sing-song over 70 voice she smiled, "Da'ling I've been doing this for three years." Hum. Put me in my place. They all lapped me twice and I was still in my place pushing like hell and jogging like I was drowning.

Don in his 80's pumped by for the second time, trying to console me said, "All the new people have trouble with this." I smiled and said, "Thanks Don, I bet they were never quite this bad." He didn't hesitate, "Nope, never quite as bad." I gave up being frustrated and laughed hysterically, by now I was going in reverse.

I didn't feel quite as silly when my 80 something mate got a pool tow from the handsome life guard. I was just too far from him to give me a tow. That's it I'm sure of it.

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